Thursday, May 18, 2006
Garrr...
I've been in a stonking bad mood for about a week and a half now, despite all {some} things going quite well. I'm missing jokes, not analyzing hard enough, not keeping my patience to the level it should be, wasting time, failing to learn more every day, failing to be accurate, eloquent or charismatic. I want more. Always. I am trying desperately to distract myself by:
a. inventing childish names for everyone at work (the schoolboy, isha-san, camel monkey, bert, ernie, elmer fudd, the tsar).
b. reading solaris manual pages.
c. buying into deranged investment ideas
d. waiting desperately for the chance to drink again.
e. sorting out some things to do when Maund lands his hairy ass in Narita
Then today. Was feeling muchos better, as I bought a yet another Mexican. Called home, Dad's just got back from Vancouver. Talked about the holiday, and then about the fact that my sister isn't married. Then I embarked into an utterly futile 1hr debate into mixed race marriages. I keep forgetting. There is no point. The title of this post reflects my mental pitch and roll.
Good news: Got an email from Bell, talking boring nonsense for 99% of the email, followed by two sentences:
Next date for your calendar is 6th June. I'm landing in Narita.
Sugoi.
Reading a book on Putin's Russia. Pretending to run every day at lunchtime. Sometimes listening to Pimsleur's Japanese. Addicted to Nujabes. Working 7 days this week. Feeling like I'm stupid, but maybe - maybe - I could learn how to be different. Maybe I could catch up.
Time is not a nice person. I know, because the sign said it. Time can be generous; but ultimately time is indifferent. Time does not give two damns or a f-k. So what will you do? What will we do?
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Time is a train
Makes the future the past
Leaves you standing in the station
Your faced pressed up against the glass.
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Makes the future the past
Leaves you standing in the station
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