Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Success
Or failure.
A recurring theme in my life. Which is odd that it should come up today, since i woke up this morning dreaming of people i used to know. I never quite understand those dreams.
Anyway, went to some lecture today by a guy from GS who was talking about retail banking in Japan (feel free to judge me on the fact that i found it interesting, and worthy of 3000 yen) and went on to have a beer with James/Gerald/Rimiko. Money. Probably the only thing that i have in my life to define success by. I am not, in my own eyes, a successful person. I have never been in the top 50% for academia (school results were awful, university gave me a sympathy degree). I have never been in the top 50% for sports (this requires no further explanation, i am utterly useless at all sports, whether solo or team). I am quite extraordinarily skilled at repelling women (again, requires no examples). I have never been 'the cool guy'. And when you are young, these failures, and the insecurities they breed, bug you. Because, what is left to separate you from the masses? Why should you have any self esteem?
As you get older, you get comfortable. Comforable with yourself, and how you fit in, and your self confidence grows. This is largely because, you find your niche. Something to separate you from the masses. Something to excel at.
I dont see why it is so shallow that I should deem earnings and net wealth as a signal of my own accomplishments. Not that i'm there. I just dont see:
a. A change in any of the 4 criterion above. I cannot imagine becoming either intelligent, athletic, a Cassonova, or charismatic, above the median average of society.
b. what is so wrong in being shallow. What is so wrong, or shameful, about Soros?
And so, what is on my mind, is now on paper.....
Comments:
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Depends on what your definition of 'cool guy' is. I reckon you're cool cos there are qualities you possess that I wish for. On the otherhand, you are a computer geek, and they have never been cool!
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