Friday, December 30, 2005
Psychopaths and Homosexuals.
A lot of people out there complain that the only girls they meet are lesbians and psychos. In my case, i seem to attract them, like a high voltage magnet. So far, i've encountered 2 psychos (the one that just jumped out of his 40th floor window doesn't count, as I never met him). I'm not that bothered about the homosexuals - although there does appear to be a danger of becoming a reverse fag-hag. Quite literally, there have been countless that I have crossed paths with. Anyway, yesterday, I was walking through Triton enroute to the bar to kill some time before meeting Sachin. Paul and I bumped into each other and shot the breeze. Then some Japanese woman, in her 40's, walks up to us, and speaks in English. This is a condensed version of the story:
Woman: do you know any French
Daneiru: a little
Woman: I need some help with some French
Danieru: ok, well, show me, and i'll see if i can translate it
Woman: Well, it has to be the right accent
Danieru: i'll have a go, do you have a lot, or just a sentence
Woman: no, i need to learn
Danieru: well, i can make a guess at how it is pronounced
Po-e-ru: We can try and help - what do you want?
Woman: I need French lessons.
Po-e-ru: well! oh - ok, well, you need to get someone to teach you. We thought you needed something small translated
Woman: do you know any french people?
Po-e-ru: well, JP could probably help her - Danieru?
Danieru: yes, and i know someone else as well, who could teach, they are tri-lingual
Woman: who?
Danieru: a girl, she lives in Ikebukuro
Woman (visibly disappointed, but pretends to be disappointed by the distance to Ikebukuro): err, that's too far. Where do you work?
Daneiru and Poeru make up stories about where they work.
Woman starts complaining about Al Italia not speaking French, when she was in their offices earlier today
Danieru and Poeru now convinced she is a fruit loop
Woman starts complaining that she got kicked out of an office earlier today because she didn't have any ID.
Daneiru and Poeru looking to quit the scene asap.
Woman continues complaining about not finding any French people to teach her French.
Woman: Can I have an email address?
Danieru: Err - I dont have her contact details on me, I can leave them at the cafe here for you, tomorrow.
Po-e-ru: yeah - you can come pick them up tomorrow
This ridiculous conversation continues for a few minutes, and I keep insisting that I will leave an email address for her at the cafe. No more.
Woman: well, can I have your email?
Poeru frantically waving his hands behind her, signally "NO NO NO" to me.
Danieru: Sure. {danieru invents fake email address and gives it to her}
Woman: what time are you going to be at the cafe?
Danieru: I dont know.
Woman: Can I have your mobile number?
Danieru: No, i dont think so
Woman: Can I have your office direct line?
Poeru cuts in. Agressive: Look. We've been patient. He said he was going to leave you an address, what more do you want?
Woman: to learn french.
Poeru: Go, like everybody else, to a f-ing school. Dont hang around office building harrassing people like us - go sign up to a f-ing class and learn. What are you doing?
Woman: But I want to learn the real pronunciation
Poeru: Well, get on a f-ing plane, and get yourself to France. You can't learn by hanging around here and harrasing people.
Finally, after 20minutes ish of harrasment, we depart company, and Paul and I go downstairs for a beer, to put some distance between her and ourselves. Then we leave, Paul walks home, I walk to the subway. My phone goes off:
Poeru: you wont believe this. she lives in my apartment.
Danieru: What?
Poeru: yeah man, she's here, looking for her post. I saw her, told her to f-off and now i've come outside. i dont want her to see which place i live in.
Danieru: she may not live there. she may just be going through the post, looking for french names
Poeru: well, i've never seen her before. Jesus. what am i supposed to do?
Danieru: come over to Kotta Dori and have a beer with me.
Poeru: no, i'm going to wait a while and go back in. If she starts anything, i dont know what i'm going to do.
went and met Sachin in OmoteSando. damn posh area. Bars were so posh that they are hidden, and impossible to find. Complain about the overwhelming number of psychos (RA: no explanation needed; Britney: "i'm in Hokkaido, this Japanese boy is annoying me. how about you and I embark on a torrid affair" my reply: "err - i'm gay"; and now the nameless japanese woman who wants to learn French). Then, of course, Sachin introduces me to his lesbian friend. Hang out for a beer. Get the train back home. It was an absolute riot, there wasn't even place to stand on the platform. Finally get squashed into the train, and get talking to some Aussies. One was gay.
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