danieru in tokyo
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Hanko
I had lots of bureaucracy to complete yesterday, so I didn't bother coming into work. First stop was Shinagawa, to get my re-entry permit. 6000 Yen just to be able to get back into this country. To remove the risk of having money involved in a government procedure, you have to buy stamps for you application from a 7-Eleven downstairs. Coffee with your passport stamps, sir?
Then onto Mizuho bank, to open an account. I was refused. Sorry - you live to far from here. Go somewhere nearer to where you live. Next branch. Sorry, we are closing, go somewhere else. Next branch. Sorry, you dont have a hanko, we can't process your application. "but there are branches of Mizuho which dont require a hanko - why do you?" "sorry, let us make some calls......[wait for 1hr].....looks like you can't open one anywhere. why dont you go to Citi?". "because my agent, Fat Tony, refuses to pay through them. i need an account here". Despair, and suffering for waiting so long and achieving nothing. So i opened one in Citi anyway. My name is now Danieru Dasoza.
I also did lots of walking yesterday - from Akasaka to Roppongi, and then onto Shibuya after stopping off at the Mori Museum. Mori took 1500 of my yen, which I begrudged initially, until I realised that it was on the fifty second floor, with a viewing level on the floor below. this was cool. very. So now i have photos for November updated. Then, on the way out, someone asked me for another 8,500 yen to become a member of the place. After I left the building, I became unsure as to why I signed up. But hey, at least I got a free pointless book on modern art that has already found it's place in the bathroom reading rack. Enroute to Shibuya, I took a photo which I have been staring at ever since. I dont know why.
Shibuya has the best Starbucks, ever. Really. They've got a floor overlooking the main crossing, from which I can enjoy one of my favourite passtimes - PeopleWatching. Big ones, small ones, fat ones, thin ones, scarily dressed ones, bumping into ones, slow ones, fast ones, timid ones, agressive ones, on-a-mission ones. The day quickly passes, and it was good fun until I got told off for taking pictures. And, with this glee, I left for home.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Roppongi. Again
Daniel: blah blah blah blah.
Someone: hahaha.
Daniel: blah blah blah
Someone: hahaha. funny.
Someone: Daniel, why dont you introduce yourself to Mary?
Danieru: {sarcastic} Hello Mary, I'm Daniel. I'm a funny guy.
Mary: Hello, I'm Mary. I'm the head of IT.
Danieru: {voice drowned out by colleague laughter} Oh.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Fuji-san
....Lake Kawaguchi with Mount Fuji in the background. next year, i will be fit enough to climb it.
Twice so far this week, I have gone running just after midnight. It's about 10 degrees out there. There is something eerily perfect in the tranquility of listening to Sigur Ros at 1am whilst jogging through the dark, silent narrow streets, gazing at the mock-30's gas lamps.
Today, after running, I sat down on the kerb, and watched the traffic for 15 minutes whilst picturing a candle flame. Come on Romina, do I have to sort out my life on my own now? Actually, I dont think I am having a moment. Rather, just a culmination of {the usual family arguments} + {uncertainty as to how to Destroy My Agent} led to too much thinking in the past few days. And quote Al: 'thinking is bad for you'.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Contrived
A most unexpected disaster, which I provoked entirely through arrogance and idiocy, and now befallen me. I will not be going to South Korea next week. And I try to be more of a kind hearted person.
So the next holiday must be NZ, target Jan, but also, quietly thinking about March. Will decide next week.
The weekend was good, spent Saturday overnight in Shibuya, after disovering Kirin for 200Yen. A man tried to walk off with my jacket (not theft, this is Japan afterall) and I managed to recover it from him as he stood in a drunken stuper outside the bar, without conflict. An Australian BeefyBoy was trying to throw his stockiness around - afterall, no sense spending your life in the gym unless you can try and start fights every few minutes - with a random guy for no reason whatsoever. It reminded me of some other Australians that I met last year.
Irritation, for I am arguing with my agent, again. The imbecile expects me to pay 60% of my salary to him, and is still pushing for more. What has struck me is the realization that I am truly unable to calmly engage in combat. This is a skill that I wish to have. The pressure is minor, trivial, and inconsequential. But I feel it. And so I feel disappointment.
Witness
Today I am in awe for the greatness of China. Feeling fortunate to witness an enormous and populous country resume it's rightful role at the forefront of civilization, held for centuries, lost for decades, and now recovered within seconds. In years to come, nobody will understand how so much happened so fast. I am quite sure I will be asked to recant stories of Western cynicism, fear and then the inevitable Kow tow.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Age or proximity?
I dont think it's because i'm getting old, or, rather, i'd like to think it's not related. Meeting people in Tokyo appears to take some serious arranging. In Edinburgh, I can normally give a few hours notice, over a 7 second phonecall: "Mister Andy McDee. Drink? Blue Blazer?". And that's it. but here:
Josh: "i'm out this weekend around Fuji... gotta get up early, so no beer Friday"
Ako: "i've got Thursdays free, but not this one - what about next Thursday?"
PK: "i'm in Canada - i get back in two weeks. Drinks for sure then..."
Renata: "i can't afford it until payday - what about next week?"
Nana: "i just got dumped with a huge project at work. no more weekends :("
....and so the list goes on. Well, it doesn't, but i'm sure over time it will get extended. Tokyo is big. So you've gotta arrange things in advance. And then schedule. I'm not sure I like this although, I should feel grateful that at least i've got 5 people to be rejected by. At least Rury's in town again tomorrow, and got a mail from Damo who is desperate to return, and display his LV hat and scarf on the streets of Ginza.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Death by PowerPoint
I have no intention of counting the number of beers we consumed yesterday. It will almost certainly make me feel queasy. Instead, i can recall how Rury turned up, in Beckers cafe almost exactly when I predicted, got home, dumped baggage, and headed down to Roppongi to meet Ricky for a two at Propaganda, had another at a dismal British bar, and headed back to Ikebukuro to an Izakaya. Last time I was at this place, I met a businessman, who started describing to me in broken English what he does for a living.
Businessman: I making cloth
Danieru: You make clothes?
Businessman: Yes, but, errr, under.
Danieru: You mean underwear?
Businessman, now rubbing him out thighs with both hands, and with a giant smile on his face, almost shouts:
SEXY! SEXY!
This time, I met a racous bunch of guys who helped me learn more Japanese. I can now say Kampai. Inebriated humour translates seamlessly.
Came into work this morning not feeling so chirpy, and had to endure a powerpoint presentation from the boss. The best bit was when he tried to draw a (what i thought was fair) parallel between McDonalds and IT, in a particular context. One guy got so upset, he spent the next 15minutes debating it. Sigh. Emotions are pointless and fabulous at the same time.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Moan, complain, and steer the ship Right.
shrink786 says:
goan u still turning japanese?
danieru says:
i sent you the photo dude. it is a photo of ME.
shrink786 says:
yes so i see
danieru says:
i had surgery.
shrink786 says:
long overdue
danieru says:
too right. the downside is that the plastic bottle is now stuck to my head permanently.
shrink786 says:
i thought that was a sikh trick. but obviously the japs do it too. are you back here for xmas and new year?
danieru says:
of course not. i have no intention of going back to that island. but please send my best regards to the criminals, scum, litter, chavs, deliquents, ignorants, and all the other things missing from japan.
shrink786 says:
you do have a point. mr blair has really f-cked up the country beyond all belief. i wanna move to dubai
danieru says:
yes - dubai is better for you, forget the UK.
shrink786 says:
three years then im outta here
danieru says:
dubai offers the average TP who worships allah a far higher standard of living than the UK, and better prospects for your offspring. i might leave japan next year for switzerland. i do not want to go back to england. it is rubbish unless you earn good money. ordinary cash buys you zero standard of living.
shrink786 says:
yeah switzerland is a good option, i like the swiss attitude
danieru says:
yes, mountains, cobbled streets, low taxes, clean air, german cars. there is ZERO crime here. it is amazing.
shrink786 says:
i have to agree with you. the kaiser chiefs have got it right
danieru says:
and more importantly, switzerland does not have to contend with a vociferous criminal lower class like France.
shrink786 says:
who get all the benefits of the nanny state of course, at the taxpayers expense
danieru says:
exactly, it is amazing how right wing we have become in our old age.
shrink786 says:
i was never anything else to be honest. f-ck all of em. u did the right thing by gettin outta here. just frustrates me more and more the way things are here
danieru says:
if a couple of TPs like us can get jobs, and pay 40%, then why does the average imbecile have 4 kids whilst still a teenager, and sponge off the state for their lives.
shrink786 says:
the nhs is like a microcosm of the wider shite that is england
danieru says:
whilst their offspring wrecks my mercedes. people dont even lock their bikes here. i saw a $2000 bike left outside 7-11 without a lock on it.
shrink786 says:
here the more locks the better, anywhere else that would be out and out paranoia. right im gonna go and see what the scummy people of birmingham are up to
danieru says:
yes, and tell them to get a job.
shrink786 says:
it amazes me that in this country, people with no jobs and no education, have better televsions than myself. wasters
danieru says:
because their ambition in life is to watch TV. your offspring will be the same if you allow them to socialise with these types.
shrink786 says:
i saw a girl the other day who said she would kill herself if i didn't find her anywhere to live. what kind of government allows people to behave like that??
danieru says:
exactly.
shrink786 says:
lock em up, shoot em and then burn the bodies
danieru says:
in china, when criminals are executed, the government charges their family for the bullet. this is the system we need
shrink786 says:
thats so right. i say vote me in. right goan, im off, its been extremely cathartic
Small World
Despite sheltering some 20 million individuals, this city, like the world, is small. I ran into Febvay in Akihabara whilst buying yet another camera, then ran into Rei and Donovan in Shinjuku whilst looking for Belgian bar Frigo. It wasn't hard to convince them to U-turn and go to Frigo too. Donovan was telling stories, at excessive volume, about a guy who complained about his excessive volume. I mean, where was the guy coming from? Rei kept kicking me and stabbing her nails into my knee. Scary. The beer, however, was fantastic. And so are those oversized Hoegaarden glasses. I learnt how to say Hoegaarden in Japanese: Huegaden. The cost is preposterous (circa ten squid for a bottle). That said, i've lost all sense of money being out here. 10,000 Yen (50 quid) is merely a number, and as long as there is cash in my pocket, it gets spent. I *think* I spent a few hundred pounds this weekend. I have no real way of knowing - since it all came from a uncounted wad of paper on my bedside table - the upside of being paid in cash. Japan has taught me, in the most serious of manners, to consume.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Disaster
I bought an external disk, and got it working without using the aluminium casing. I was then too lazy to put it in the case. After three weeks of downloading music, I copied across my photos from July - September. This morning, I dragged a mess of cables from one end of then sofa to the other. My nose picked up a whiff of burning. Looked down to see fire. The ipod cable had touched the circuitry in the magical way needed to set fire to the disk.
Oh well, back to Akihabara to spend more money. Besides, it could have been worse, i could have lost more. Lesson learnt the cheap way.
Been scheming and formulating in my head recently. Without exception, plans and schemes are bad bad bad. Nothing beats sensible impulsion - my great example is being here in Nippon, without plans or schemes. But, nonetheless, here they are:
Cling on to Citi for another few months.
Eventually, get fired.
Start applying to jobs in De Schweiz & Tokyo.
Return to The Burgh after 3-4 weeks of unemployed drifting & barwork.
Continue applying for jobs in De Schweiz & Tokyo whilst becoming a painter/decorator for the small flat.
Once flat is habitable, destroy as many of my possesions as I can, and Live Sparse.
Leave Edinburgh. For real, this time.
Move to somewhere cheap on the mainland, with a giving preference to towns that speak German.
It's all rubbish, of course. The plan before was to work at The Sky long enough to renovate the flat, then resign, and walk through the jungles of South America for a few months. It's not on the horizon any more.
Oh yeah, and this is where I am going to retire. 12 years from now, cut all ties, sell all tangible assets, buy equities, cash, a stack of books on psychology, morality, anthropology, ancient civilizations, various works of fiction, an enormous bag of rice, a fishing rod and a one-way ticket to Myanamar. When I go off the radar, you'll know where to find me. Or, at least, you will be able to start guessing as to which of the 800 islands i'm squatting on.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Alien Card
I'm an alien. But I guess in Japan, I should be called an Alien-u. No sense in ending a work in a constonant, when there are vowels aplenty. It become news to me that if i leave the country, without a reentry permit, I cannot get back in. Without a Alien aka Gaijin Card, I cannot get a reentry permit. The card takes 2 weeks to process. If I get it precisely on time, I will get to go to South Korea. If it arrives even one single day late, i've lost $300 on the flights.
So I went to the ward office today, and got flattered by the guy behind the desk who was impressed with my status of Engineer (rather than English teacher) and Wholesale Banking (rather than Retail). This was cool, because he talked a bit about himself. Then I sat back in the queue, and waited for my application to be typed & submitted.
A woman rushed to sit down next to me, turned and said "Are you from Bangladesh" in an abrupt, assuming manner. "No". "Then, from somewhere nearby?". "No". What I meant was "I have no interest in engaging you in conversation. Perhaps you should have started with HELLO first. This is an international courtesy. Unlike slurping and staring, greetings prior to engagement in conversation with a stranger are a globally accepted standard in social etiquette". People in Japan do not stare. People in Europe (trust me) do.
Then my application became typed, and I needed to sign. She refused to accept my signature. I tried pointing out that the signature on my passport was "Furro Name" rather than "Signature", and "Signature on bank card - see?" didnt work so well. So we argued, and I eventually conceded and wrote my name, rather than signature onto her paper. I could have been there all day, and still not won.
Of course, an application Service Group failed to start this morning, on the day that I do not turn up to work, thereby making me look incompetent. But they had to call me, and let me preach hagrp commands down the phoneline, which makes me essential. Thus I am essentially incompetent.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Sarariman
If you translate the Engrish above, you get SalaryMan. A reference to a hard drinking Japanese slave enduring his tenure at the hands of corporate employment.
Peace.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
India and the mess
The agency I work through moved office, and thus had a celebration party. The agency is staffed exclusively by Indians and Fillipinos, perhaps as a result of Bangledeshi and Fillipino ownership. I had a couple of beers and tried to engage the guy near me in conversation:
Danieru: "So, how long have you been in Japan?"
Indian fella: "6 months"
Danieru: "And do you like it? To me, McDonald's stole their slogan from Japan - I'M LOVIN IT"
Indian fella: "Well, it's ok, but i dont want to stay long"
Danieru: " Really, i mean, apart from the people, what do you miss about India"
Indian fella: "It's not like that - I am from India - why should I leave it just because I have found somewhere else"
Danieru: "Because this island was built on the model of Utopia - and now, in the tradition of Japan, surpasses it"
We then engaged in {what i realise in hindsight} to be a heated discussion surrounding why India is rubbish - or not - and why I hate it. The people, on an individual level are fine. In a group, they are entirely summarized by the crab story.* Another guy came along and broke up our conversation. A summary of his stance was "if i dont go back and try to make it better, who will". Admirable, but i am quite certain that I have never met - with the exception of Sara O'Ted** - a person who actually means altruistic well on others. Thus, I would love to know his base motivation.
My take on it:
Go back to your roots - never abandon who you are. My ancenstry, like that of every homo sapien, is one of nomadic hunter gatherers , whose territory meant nothing more than a place to find food. I've found a great little spot 35 degrees North, and 139 degrees East. My ancestors would be proud.
* There are two buckets filled with crabs trying to climb out. One is a bucket full of Indian crabs, and the other is full of German crabs. In short order all of the German crabs are out of the bucket and scrambling away. But all the Indian crabs are still struggling inside their bucket. Why? The German crabs made themselves into a ladder and helped each other climb out, but the Indian crabs are still busy grabbing a hold of and pulling down any crab trying to get out ahead of them. And if one does manage to get out, the others still inside spitefully curse him for having done what they all are trying to do.
** Sara O'Callaghan is one of the 3 people who gave me the strenght to come to Japan - people with whom I discussed the move with prior to deciding upon it. Al & Ravi were the other two. Ravi: shame on you for abandoning your roots in moving to Livingston. Who is going to stick around to improve Swindon now?
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Last week, only
on the seventh day did he rest. i've been trying to hold down a grin since monday, and have now failed for 7 days straight. i've been drunk for 6 days of those, taking rest only on the sunday. Tokyo is the party. The week gone by has been a couple of firsts, long resisted by me since arriving. Monday was a quick one after work that turned into more. Tuesday, i forgot my keys, again, and met Matt in some izakaya for one, then more. Wednesday was some guy from the SAN team wanting a drink, which was fantastic, because it involved the usual work politics, and me left wondering why I am the only person who seems to get on with everyone. Thursday was a drink to complain about Wednesday, and then there was Friday & Saturday.
Since arriving in Tokyo a couple of months back, I have managed to avoid learning any Japanese, going out in Roppongi - and therefore Gas Panic, Karaoke, and eating at a pure sushi bar. This weekend struck two of those down.
Friday was some guy from work's leaving night. Having never met him, I thought it appropriate to turn up, especially since it was unlimited drink for 5000Yen. There was some black evil looking brew, which turned out to be quite nice, and I had plenty. Some manager bloke, who I spent a lot of time arguing about bikes with, complained about the red wine, yet he had downed it at a pace that even ??? would be proud of. So I took the liberty of pouring vinegar into the 1/2 finished bottle of red, as a scientific experiment. I am not sure what I intended to prove, and thankfully he never noticed, yet the bottle was stinking of vinegar. So, i'm reasonably sure that i've pulled off yet another puerile stunt without getting caught. Trouble is, that i'm sure someone else held the bottle while I poured. Of course, this could be imaginary, seeing as sobreity did not kick in until about 2pm on Saturday. The result of which, I cannot remember much of the journey onwards to the Karaoke bar. I recall acting as a backing singer with the girl from HR to some non-Citi punter, which I thought was bullet proof, as nobody messes with HR. Yet still, I think i got told off for singing whilst someone else was singing. Anyway, I dont really remember.
Woke up on Saturday and took the Yamanote Line across to Akihabara, or Electric Town in Japanese. Here reside Otaku and gadgets. I'm out of storage on the Thinkpad, so i'm in the market for a desktop, with multiple disks. Geek, perhaps, but a thirst for music and a broadband connection appear to be a profits for Seagate these days. Akihabara is a place which needs to be investigated thoroughly, rather than given the cursory browse. If you do take the time to wander, you will find, in the words of Young 'yourself wandering in some narrow street, and into an unmarked building, up some stairs, until you feel that you are walking through someone's house'. When you find these shops, then you've won. Ignore all the neon and the duty free - they're a waste of time. I found a shop selling second hand digital cameras for 5000Yen - as soon as I find out which one I want, i'm going back, and hoping I can still find the place. After discovery, I meandered on down toward the centre of the metro map, to the offices of the agency I work through. They are the most underhand operation this side of Washington DC, and I hope to have more stories about them later this week.
And then I darted back home to Ikebukuro, and to a shop called Donquixote, which is Japan's discount store. A lot like Lidl, except for the fact that the sell tons of household gear, in a rather haphazard stack-em high fashion. Yet, they also sold Rolex's and, of course, LV. God, if I never see LV again, it will be too soon. It is truly the most repugnant design to ever come from France, and somehow, the marketing man made it work. Hmmm....I wouldn't say no to going long on LVMH, especially with the thirst that China has. Donquixote allowed me to purchase some silver glittery makeup, which I took home, applied to one half of my face, and then considered myself halloweened for the night. Took the train down to The Pong, or Roppongi for short. A night out for a gaijin in Roppongi, like participation in karaoke, is something that Japan is defined by, and yet I have managed to avoid it for so long. Pizza, drinks, the obligatory Scream costume, an Incredible Hulk, an obese cow... the list goes on. Around 11ish, I took the decision to forget the last train home in favour of the first train home. A short time, and 2 beers later I left the bar with 4 girls in a various states of inebriation, beginning at very and ending with extremely. I started to fear that I should have really should have taken that last train back. Well, it was too far to walk, especially since I didn't know the way, and I didn't have the money for a taxi, so I managed to offload two of the girls - the most drunken - upstairs in some takeway joint, thanking the Lord that I wouldn't keep getting asked the same question "So how you liiiking Japaaan?" repeating every few minutes, irrelevant of my response. I found a club with a 2000 yen cover charge, haggled the guy down to 800 with a free drink. Quite a cool place, and the bean beer was even available from a vending machine. One of the rooms was playing a track which has now filled my week - Patife's Inta Out. Go Brazil. At 4am things start to get scabby, and i was begging to for the Metro to open once more. 5am, it did, i got onboard, got back home at 6am, and swore i'd never do that again. I am quite sure that I will.
Sunday, was spent mostly in bed, because I can.
I've actually been doing some work this week, having successfully quit my internet addiction. So i'm feeling sharp, productive, and go-getting. My French is improving, too.
Fear too - as I have two weeks until I fly to South Korea, and unless I get a gaijin card and a reentry permit, I cannot go. Gotta get to the ward office on Monday....
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