Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Being English
Or just emotionally withdrawn?
A quick run around The Chair, in the rain, and the timing is improving. Head up to a cafe, and chill for a while before dinner at Pizza Express. I wander in late, delayed at the ATM, and grant a warm, generous, Hey, How are You? to Saba, conveniently our waitress for the evening. A big bad stare nailed me from all at the table, and it guilt drowned me, as I tried to interpret the gross social mistake I must have just made. Walk back, big hug, kiss, heart felt apologies and all was well. If I followed everyone into the restaurant, it would have been easy just to copy their greeting gestures. But, in the case of choice, I would have still prefered the more familiar greeting. So why didn't I do that in the first place?
The English are infamous for poor social graces, but my part upbringing does not excuse the behaviour. The feeling that stopped me, was almost certainly fear. Was I scared that she didn't want to reciprocate, or was I afraid to show her that I cared, or was I trying to pretend to myself that I didn't care. I guess they all distill to the same point. I do care, and it was foolish to pretend otherwise to either myself, or Saba.
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