Chewbacca
Shock shock horror horror. It has just occurred to me that Chewbacca wore a sash.


- posted by Daniel @ Tuesday, November 30, 2004 0 comments

 
Salsaholics
RV & RA are addicted. I went to the bar with no intention to dance. When I hear people claim that they have two left feet, I am jealous - at least you have some form of control over left feet. Repeating attempts to drag me on stage failed. Thankfully. I shall not be going next week.

- posted by Daniel @ Monday, November 29, 2004 0 comments

 
Philippe Starck
I need to make this clear - I did have a good evening. Really. And here are the things that made it different.
SR's flat is sparse. Sparse in the fashion that I always dreamed my own living quarters to be. And yet devoid of soul. Philippe Starck is not for me, I know that now, and am glad to see the dream disappear. Back home, RV's flat has an unfinished kitchen, half painted walls, and mess everywhere. Born with the gift of clumsiness, mortal hazards are a real and present danger, even today after a big clean. But it feels like home. Whether it be the Catalan rugs, Moroccan lampshades or just the scabby paintbucket in the corner, I cannot be sure. But they all make me feel at ease. Starck does not.

I'm in my twenties. I wear T-Shirts with pictures of turntables. I never comb my hair. I am a British Asian. They were all the there early thirties. Wearing designer evening clothes. Sipping liquers I had never heard of before. White, urban and mainstream. I drunk 5 Hoegaarden's, and then all was well. I didn't identify with their pleasures and pains in life, but I didn't need to. And knowing that felt good.

RV split with A. The explanation was intriguing. "He wants to escape, out of the small world he knows, but is scared. I've escaped, he's using me to feel it without the risk." And the world makes a little more sense today.

- posted by Daniel @ Sunday, November 28, 2004 0 comments

 
That (!)Little Italian Number

Rocco's Christmas present from Mother arrived earlier this week in the form an enormous box. Contents: many kilos of waistline contorting Italian delicacies. Pig, cheese, pig, pasta, pig, cheese, (not sure), pig, (pickled, but not sure), cheese, (submersed in olive oil, but not sure), pig.

The oversized hamper's arrival coincided with the Sparkie's decision to finish the kitchen. Friday night became a wine + pig + wine + cheese + pig + wine + bread + pig + stuff night. Until i woke up shivering on the couch at 3am.

- posted by Daniel @ Saturday, November 27, 2004 0 comments

 
HP has revealed ownership of a pet Tortoise as a child. Jane the male tortoise - whatever did the other tortoises say? HP is now justly the recipient of rah-rah posh jokes. Apparently, it was quite common back then. Only in certain circles methinks.

- posted by Daniel @ Friday, November 26, 2004 0 comments

 
Achievment from yesterday: Coaxing the team leader into singing the Um Bongo song, drunken. The real coup arrived a few seconds later as he then, unprompted, declared it to be the Team Theme Tune, and ordered group singalongs.

- posted by Daniel @ Wednesday, November 24, 2004 0 comments

 
Fell asleep last night under a book and a cold bottle of white. Still feeling fortunate that it was empty.

Somalia has no government. A capitalists dream come true. A discovery to economists akin to psychiatrists discovering a ferral man of 40. Everything is private, even the bloke that issues passports. A totally free market with no regulation, order or market controls. Every need and demand can be catered for, at a price.



- posted by Daniel @ Tuesday, November 23, 2004 0 comments

 
The iTrip.

Sliced bread has been eternally heralded as the benchmark in innovation. Step aside bread, and enter the iTrip. The iPod is cool enough, but this is better.
Rocco was in shock for at least an hour, and ignored my explanations of how it worked, choosing instead the concept of beaming music by X-ray to the radio. Equally amazed, Rumeena learned far too quickly how to jam the Ipod repeating Massive Attack's Protection.

- posted by Daniel @ Monday, November 22, 2004 0 comments

 
Campbell's Status in January 2005 and June 2005. Predictions in comments please.

- posted by Daniel @ Friday, November 19, 2004 5 comments

 
Corporate Drinks

And so the company that you spend millions with decides to pay for the drinks. Highlights:
- The sales guy getting so drunk he couldn't pronounce CRM, settling for QRM instead.
- I managed to escape with 2 full bottles of wine.
- Alisdair threw the pineapple from Andy's pizza onto the walls of the restaurant.
- The sales guy telling me about how great his latest line of disks were, drunken, at 2am.

- posted by Daniel @ Thursday, November 18, 2004 0 comments

 
Repetitive use of colloquisms.

When someone persistently uses (append or prepend) a particular term in conversation, what is the name given to this affliction?

Eg. It a good car, innit.


S T O P P R E S S
the correct spelling of the word is Colloquialism
- posted by Daniel @ Thursday, November 18, 2004 2 comments

 
Soaring Productivity.

4 technical people are crouched around one computer attempting to burn a CD. For the last 40 minutes now. And still no CD.


- posted by Daniel @ Thursday, November 11, 2004 0 comments

 
Fallujah. Insurgents or Lawful Demonstrators?

Cnn ran story back in April which goes a long way into explaining why there is so much resistance in Fallujah. About 120 marines took over a school, and then reacted to unarmed protesters by opening fire and killing up to 20 of them.

- posted by Daniel @ Wednesday, November 10, 2004 0 comments

 
Newton's Third Law:

III. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
I wanted the car door to move toward the car. The car door was contented to remain open. The handle obeyed my request. The door and the handle parted company. Ire.

- posted by Daniel @ Wednesday, November 10, 2004 0 comments

 
In some states in the USA, drug dealers have to buy stamps to pay tax on their illegal drugs. Police in Manchester want to do the same here.

If this happens, the government will have a transparent incentive for the people to consume narcotics.

Kansas
Manchester


- posted by Daniel @ Tuesday, November 09, 2004 0 comments

 
The Law of Sod.

Dictates that the very day after you sign a contract with another company, your current employer offers you more money to stay back.

I signed with Rupert on Friday, and today Sony want me back. This is probably because they bore witness to my superlative developed and focussed internet surfing skills over the last 6 weeks, and have decided that it is easier to get invoiced by me than flush money down the toilet. Whatever turns you on.
Like buses, wait ages for one, and then two come along at once. Last time I turned down the Carribean for Basingstoke, now I am turning down Oracle for Adabas. Inching ever closer to doom on the edge of the toilet bowl.

- posted by Daniel @ Monday, November 08, 2004 0 comments

 
Christmas, not too early, not too late, but Just Right.

For all you shallow putrid money grabbing leeches, devoid of all loyalty (Contractors), take a couple of minutes out from worshipping the Locust - and check this:


root@GBMMSDEVDB02# cal 12 2004
December 2004
S M Tu W Th F S
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31

root@GBMMSDEVDB02#


So there you have it - 25/12, 26/12, 1/1 all fall on weekends. No enforced Bank Holidays. That word has come to mean something quite different to me recently.

- posted by Daniel @ Friday, November 05, 2004 1 comments

 
Amusing message from Our Man In Borneo working on a conservation project:


I forgot to add to my previous email that the local police chief decided to
post 4 soldiers to protect us at our conservation site. This was because we
were all valuable white people and thus, needed protection from Abu Syaff
terrorist group from the Phillipines. BAG OF SHITE. These soldiers were of
course raw squaddies from KL. As they were raw, they did amusing things like
cutting holes in the toilet walls so they could spy on the girl volunteers
as they squated. Most amusing. They also did raw things like not bothering
to go into the cubicle to go to the toilet, but rather slashed from the
pathway. Again amusing, as only the girls witnessed this.

- posted by Daniel @ Thursday, November 04, 2004 0 comments

 
Choosing.

I had to choose an agent today for payroll purposes. Which made me several enemies. After being bombarded with phonecalls, demanded that I sign up, I emailed one back telling them NO. The response was bitter:

Hi Daniel,

Oh well if that is your decision it is obviously disappointing but as I said your decision.

Best of luck in you new role.

Yours sincerley,
Yet another faceless bloodsucking two faced depraved piikee.

- posted by Daniel @ Wednesday, November 03, 2004 0 comments

 
Yesterday, a Pushy Currency Broker (hereon refered to as PCB) called me up, direct from American, and tried to convince me that I needed his help to make SIX FIGURES on the currency markets.

PCB "Let me tell you a bit about my company. We have been making money for people for our clients for years on the currency market".

....continue 10 minutes of sales pitch that even I was unable to interrupt.

Cynic "If your company is so good - why are you still working for them? You should be kicking it back in the Bahamas with some of these big winnings that your promising to make for me."

PCB "But Daniel, that would be a conflict of interest, I can't invest in the same portfolio that i'm recommending to my clients. "

Cynic "Then quit. You know who all the good research analysts are in your company. You go out drinking with them. Quit, stick your own money where your motorized mouth is, and make a fat fortune. Don't waste your time calling unemployed drifters like me. Make some real money."

PCB "It's not that simple"

Cynic "Work at it dude, it'll be worth it in the long run. Honestly, a bit of hard work, and some faith, and you'll be a millionaire in no time. You know you can do it. You're the man. Go for your dreams"

.....20 minutes of continued arguing, pep talk, false promises and confusion

PCB "You know what Daniel, you've changed my mind. I should quit, I should make something for myself"

Cynic "That's the spirit. Bye"

- posted by Daniel @ Wednesday, November 03, 2004 0 comments

 
Bin Laden's bankrupty policy - how much does oil cost per barrel from Iraq?

Bin Laden wants Spain, France, Germany etc out of the way - he wants to fight one war, one front. The war is against the USA, and the front is cash. The reason he voted for Bush the other day, is because he knows that Bush will go it alone, and keep the showdown personal. He wants America bankrupted. Simplicity, but at a cost. Back of the envelope figures:


It costs the US taxpayer $177 million per day to be in Iraq (source: only 70% reliable, as it comes from a Dove,Project Billboard)
My estimation of costs per barrel extraction in Iraq is $5 - this is based on the knowledge that it is generally below $5 in the middle east, but the danger factor has to push prices up a little.
Iraq is producing something in the region of 2.8m barrels per day, aiming to get above 3m next year (source: http://news.google.com/news?q=iraq%20bpd)

That makes $40 profit to be distributed amongst Exxon, Halliburton, and other random service companies, and then the Iraqi government.

That's a LOSS of over $50million per day. Perhaps a drop in the ocean for a trillion dollar economy - but nonetheless, a victory for Al Qaeda.

It looks like Osama is going to win. Can America carry on paying for military dictatorships around the world?

Others would argue that this is pointless because all the oil revenue just offsets some of the pillages from war, and the rest will come from racking up Iraqi public debt. But Bush doesn't care about the long term economics. He's in for 12 years, and he's gotta make the most of it. The debt will go to the American people. In 8 years from now, after Bush's 3rd re-election, both Osama and George will be sitting pretty.

Rumsfeld must be tossing a coin. Heads for Syria tails for Iran.

- posted by Daniel @ Wednesday, November 03, 2004 0 comments

 
Do all Aussie sysadmins bust into fits of puerile laughter everytime they run "su -" ?

PROD[root]#

- posted by Daniel @ Wednesday, November 03, 2004 1 comments

 
I have no pride. None whatsoever. No task too low to bow for. Or at least I keep telling myself this, in a futile attempt to make it true.

But I can't bring myself to look at Skoda's. Technically, I know that this is a sound car. Price - incomparably cheap. But I can't do it. It appears my pride is coercing into paying more for Seat instead.

- posted by Daniel @ Tuesday, November 02, 2004 0 comments

 
Watch it Iran, we're coming.

I can't spot the difference between the Skull & Bones boys Kerry and Bush.

The Republican crusade appears to have done wonders for recruitment into Bin Laden's club. Osama's made his mind up, and is backing the man who brought alchemic expertise to the Al Qaeda milk round.

- posted by Daniel @ Monday, November 01, 2004 0 comments

 
Gattaca draws nearer.

Some dude in California has gotten so fed up of sneezing from a cat related allergy, that he's going to modify the environment to suit him. Take that Darwin.

Link here In just a few years, we can order a cat to suit. Mine will have an umbrella for a tail, and breathe fire.

- posted by Daniel @ Monday, November 01, 2004 0 comments